Tuesday, November 30, 2010

sitting in the airport...

ok, so posts from my phone usually suck and are short, so forgive me.

I was disgusting last night... I figured I could use the extra calories to get over my strep throat (confirmed by the dr yesterday) so I ate a small bowl of ice cream... in addition to 1/2 of a can of soup (120), 1 chicken nugget (50) and 5 cheese chunks. Overall I was still around 800-900 cals for the day, but that's lots more than I had been eating. Oh well-- it didn't matter. The scale this morning said 116! Now I won't be able to weig again until I get home, and really I expect it to go back up... but then I can start again.

I will get my weight down to 100 lbs... I can do it! Stay strong lovelies!

Monday, November 29, 2010

Getting ready for my trip...

By loading my kindle with some great reading!!! I just bought "The Mirror Lied" and "Wasted"... I hope these keep me on track while I'm surrounded by loads of food! I might be on here lots looking for support the next few days, Vegas is a town filled with food. I'm excited though, I'm on a school budget and the food is expensive! I'll have to go with small portions of awesome food (totally worth it IMO). I can't wait to have some good Sushi, there just isn't any in Michigan!

So ladies, any other books I need to get? I've been trying to get "second star to the right" and "the best little girl in the world", but neither of those is available on the Kindle, and I just can't be caught with those books at home, right? What are you all reading right now? Does anyone want to read either of the two books I just downloaded with me? I really enjoyed "wintergirls" and it made me really glad that I'm not mia, just ana... I've never been able to purge, and reading about someone else who's just like me was kinda refreshing.

Anyway, this might be my last post for a while, or I might be posting like every day for the next couple... we'll see. I'm off to the Dr to get some meds for my strep throat. Do those meds make you hungry? I hope not.

So far today I've eaten more than I have in the last 2 days... I feel like I need the calories to get better. I've had 2 small rolls and 2 small muffins. Probably a total of around 400 calories. Ugh, but I know I need it. Plus a cup of coffee, a cup of green tea, and some water.

More later lovelies. Stay strong!

Sick, but I feel light!

So I was actually really good~! I kept the food intake to a minimum this weekend, helped along by my parents bringing their dog to visit LOL. As of this morning I hit an all time low-- 116.4 !!! Of course, I am totally dehydrated because I have strep throat and it hurts to swallow. But then again, I'm also full of poop since I haven't pooped since last Wednesday, so maybe they even out?

So I know I'm not going to make my goal of 115 before I leave for Las Vegas tomorrow, but you know what? This week has shown me that I CAN lose this weight. I CAN get to my goal weight. It might take a little longer than I'd hoped, but I CAN do it! What a fantastic feeling, knowing that I'm strong enough! I don't know if I'll gain or lose in Vegas, I guess time will tell. But I know that I will be right back on track afterward, and I will get down to 110, then 105, then 100! Hopefully I'll be around 100 by next summer and I'll look fantastic in my swimsuit :)

Keep the hope alive ladies! Stay strong!

Happiness and Starving Artist-- Thanks for the tips on the salt water flush... I didn't end up doing it, but I know that I'm going to try it sometime soon. I really just want to do a full body flush. My mom just had a colonoscopy, and they basically do a salt water flush before that! She was describing it and I had to laugh because it's exactly what you girls are describing! So if a dr prescribes it, it can't be all bad, right???

Friday, November 26, 2010

doing well considering...

Its the holidays... typing from my phone, just wanted to check in. I just finished reading "wintergirls".... it was good, but I liked "second star to the right" better. Too bad I can't get that on my kindle-- I can't get caught with a book like that but I can easily get away with reading it on my phone. I will update on Monday. Stay strong lovelies!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

help with a salt water flush...

Thanksgiving food is going to kill me! Who can help me do a salt water flush? I don't/won't/can't purge, plus the whole family will be at my house, so a flush is the only way to get it out as quickly as possible... But I've never done one and wouldn't know where to start (well, salt and water, but in what quantities?)...

Plus, how long after drinking the stuff does it take effect? I kinda want it to be working at night so it's less noticeable, and NOT while I'm out trying to do my Black Friday shopping, know what I mean? Nobody wants to make poop stops at every store!

Am I royally screwed here? HELP!

Issues, frustrations, and lack of dedication...

It's so hard to stay motivated when people around you comment on how tiny and cute you are...

But I want to be tinier (is that a word?) and cuter (yeah, I'm not cute, but thanks though-- condescending much?)

So anyway, I had a total binge fest last night. I ate stir fry with rice for dinner (small serving) then 1/2 a ham and cheese sandwich, then a small bit of chicken quesadilla, then a peanut butter cup cookie, then a serving of mint moose trax ice cream with chocolate syrup and peanuts on top. I'm embarassed to say that I'm not done. When I got over to ladies night, I had 12 oz of hot cider (should have done tea) and about 4 servings of Snyder's sourdough pretzels with some of that fake velveeta style easy cheese.

Needless to say, up this morning. 119.2

Then got to work this morning and was genuinely hungry. I decided since tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I'd just eat like a normal person. So I had some vanilla wafers and a piece of banana nut bread for breakfast. Then I had my plate piled high for lunch (small plate, at least) with taco dip and chips, turkey, mashed potatoes, macaroni, rolls, butter, cranberries, all of that stuff. I took it back to my office and began to eat. I ate. and ate. and ate. Then I realized I didn't NEED to eat, and in that one moment of control I threw the rest of the plate (about 1/2 full) in the trash. I could easily have finished it, so that's a small success. Then I immediately got out my kindle-- I just bought Wintergirls yesterday, so I thought I'd start reading. Just the reminder of what I COULD do and what I WILL do was all I needed. Tomorrow will be a challenge, and I'm sure I will eat more than I wish, but that's just one day, I can take care of myself the rest of the time. I am in control. I will get there. I will drop below 100 lbs. I don't have a date in mind, but it will happen.

I hate our country and all the stupid fat people who focus on food ALL THE TIME. I feel like I'm betraying those who died for my freedom.

Stay strong ladies, in these challenging times. Be better than I was, you can do it!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Partial success?

I can't really call it a failure, but it wasn't a success either...

I just came back from our "Pig-out day" festivities. Here's what happened.
I had to leave quickly at the beginning of the lunch. I came back and quietly hid under my desk in my office (nobody had seen me, they were all eating) and read for about 20 minutes. Then I got a call that I had to answer. So after the call, I decided to go show my face (great timing, too... because I passed someone who was coming back to my office on the way, and it would have looked really weird if I were sitting under a desk when she got there). I said hi to the retirees, and got a plate. I put a small amount of turkey (about 3 oz) on, then a LARGE amount of salad (lettuce, bacon bits, shredded cheese) with some low cal italian dressing, then a small amount of spinach dip with bread, 1 hors d'ourves, a bunch of raw broccoli and some cherry tomatoes. Then I sat down. I at all of the salad, about 1/2 of the turkey, 1 bite of the bread, about 1 tsp of spinach dip (some on bread, some on broccoli) and the tomatoes. I didn't eat the hors d'ourve (it was gross, I took a tiny taste) and skipped the droolworthy dessert table entirely.

All in all-- probably about 300 calories, maybe 400. And with all that salad, I'm actually pretty full. PLUS my co-workers saw me get a full plate and eat most of it (because it was mostly salad, but they don't need to know that and I doubt anyone was paying that close of attention).

I'm calling it a partial success. It could have been worse, but I wish I'd been able to skip it all together.

But now, I'm going to try to use the excuse that I had a massive lunch to allow me to skip dinner! Plus tonight is drinking with the girls night, so I'm sure we'll have some kind of snack. BOOOO.

EDIT 2 hours later-- I just went down to fill my water cup (of course in the lounge, where all the leftovers were moved to) and couldn't stop myself. I had a pumpkin cupcake with cream cheese frosting and a small piece of a nut bread. Ugh. And I'd been doing so well. I guess we'll see what this does to the scale for tomorrow, hopefully it won't have too much of an effect.

Somebody talk me down...

Ugh. Holidays in a school... there is food EVERYWHERE!!! There is so much food here that they even call today "Pig-Out Day"... And somehow that's OK???

The smell of food is everywhere. I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to not only be good, but how I'm going to not make it look like there's something wrong with me. I took my "dish to pass" (meatballs in a crock pot, something I'm pretty sure I'll have no personal interest in eating even if I end up taking them home) down to the main office so I wouldn't have to smell it all morning. Unfortunately, that's also where the coffee is, and I do need my coffee refills occasionally.

So I do have an excuse to run out at lunch, which I'm going to use, but I think I'm going to delay my return a bit beyond what is reasonable, just to stay away. It's too bad, because our retirees from last year will be stopping by for lunch, and I'm probably not going to get to see them at all, and I really like them. But really, why do all gatherings here in the US revolve around food??? It's no wonder everyone here is fat!

So last night was good. Actually, all day yesterday was good. I went the whole day with just coffee and gum, and then I had a small portion of chicken quesadillas for dinner. I think I ate 1/2 of a burrito size tortilla, 1/4 cup cheese, about 8 black beans, 1/4 cup of salsa, and about 1 oz of chicken. Oh, and 1/2 tsp of sour cream. So what's that in calories? I'm a chronic round-upper, so I round that to 500. But that's all day! After that I just had a cup of tea!

The scale was kind this morning-- 118.0... but I've been here before only to have it go back up to 123, so I just have to keep myself in control. With today at work and Thanksgiving on Thursday, that will be difficult. Also, my goal was to get to 115 for Vegas (that's 1 week from today) so I doubt I'll get there now. BUT I was planning to pig out royally while I'm there, and suddenly I'm planning how I can skip meals or eat smaller portions. I'm going to order the expensive things on the menu that usually come in tiny portions (seafood, sushi) but taste delicious! I'm going to skip the hotel buffet breakfast. If anyone else has any ideas, please let me know! This past weekend was the first weekend I really tried to restrict in front of people who might notice, and it was all about the challenge of getting away with it, which I did well!

OK, sorry for the book. Stay strong lovelies!!!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Out of the closet, so to speak...

So I've been following a ton of blogs (I'm at 38 right now, actually). But keeping things secret, I've been doing it anonymously. Well, after what I read and what others read on my site, I've decided to go public. I've changed all of my subscriptions to public, so if I just appeared as a follower on your blog, I've probably actually been following you for a while! Lol, I guess I just figured it was time. I don't want to keep secrets from you ladies (and gents, if there are any guys following me) since you are not keeping secrets from me.

Thank you all for opening your lives to me, and for opening your heart to my life. Words can't express the comfort I feel when I'm on here, like we're all in this together, no matter our age or location or weight.

Stay strong lovelies!

Wonderful weekend!!!

And what have I learned? Firstly, stores do not stock clothing for adults who are below a size 8 in any regular fashion... it's really hard to find pants that fit outside the juniors section, and flat out impossible to find shirts that fit!

OK, so what happened this weekend... DH and the kids and I went to visit my mom and dad. I needed to go to the ski swap, since I am now far too small to wear my old snowboarding pants. The would quite literally fall off me! Which is good-- I was like 4 months pregnant when I bought the darn things, they should fall off me... Anyway, food... Friday was horrid. I ate breakfast from Burger King (which tasted really good but I'm actually frightened to look up how many calories were in it). Then skipped lunch. Then dinner was on the road-- Wendys, which I love, but I ate like a total heffer. I ate a whole double stack (double cheeseburger) plus a 5 piece chicken nugget plus a chicken sandwich. Ugh, I was thoroughly disgusted with that binge, but I came back on Saturday!!! Saturday I got up first with the kids so I was able to play the "I already ate" card... Then DH took a nap while they did, and instead of eating, I ran!!! Then after my run I fussed in the kitchen for a bit but never ate, then took a shower. When he got up I made it like I'd eaten while he slept. Then dinner was a smallish serving of pasta that I shared with L, so really probably only about 400 calories. And nothing more!
Sunday, well, I was able to skip breakfast, but I was kinda forced to eat lunch. I even left in the middle of the meal hoping to be able to toss the rest, but my mom was watching so I had to eat it. It was a small sub sandwich, probably only around 500 cals, mostly in the bun and cheese. And then I had to eat dinner with the family when we got home, so I had chicken and stuffing. I ate as small of a serving as I could get away with. DH had about 4 times as much food as me, so at least I feel better about that!

Weight this morning: 119.4  :)  For a Monday, after a weekend with my parents, that's pretty darn good!

Today's plan- eat nothing until dinner, which will be shake n bake chicken and some biscuits and some veggies. Hopefully I can keep this up... one week from tomorrow I go to VEGAS!!!

Friday, November 19, 2010

Success is mine! It's the little things LOL

OK, so a couple of people brought me the most beautiful pancake this morning to eat... I graciously accepted, and went to work. I'm not kidding, this thing was about two inches thick, perfectly cooked, with chocolate chips! It looked awesome. What did I do? Well, first after they left I thought "well, I'll just take a bite, so I can tell them how good it was" Then I thought "no, I can eat one pancake"... Then I thought "No, I'm going to say it's good no matter what-- I don't need to eat it, right?"...

So anyway, there it sat, beside me while I was working on some paperwork. And it smelled awesome. I picked it up, intent on taking one bite, and then getting rid of it. The smell was overpowering. Then I reminded myself that the smell is the strongest part, and the taste would never be as good. So I shredded the thing-- I pulled it apart into teeny tiny pieces in my hands. And I threw it in the trash. I got chocolate chips all over my hands, and didn't even lick them. I went to the bathroom to wash them off.

So for today, I'm 1 and 1. I lost to breakfast, but I won against the evil pancake. Oh, and I'm skipping lunch, using it to blog, so that makes me 2 and 1! I'm in the lead! Take that FAT!!!

LOL, yup, I'm crazy. But I'm winning!

UGH. It's a couple hours later, and I just was in a meeting where I was quite literally forced to eat a cookie. DAMNIT!!! It's a long story, a bit involved, but what it boils down to is that my boss would have thought I was either crazy or just downright mean if I didn't eat the damn thing.

GRRR, going to have to make up for that somehow. I just keep telling myself "it's just one cookie, it's just one cookie"... yeah, about 150 calories :( I feel broken.

Girls night on Thursdays...

And I didn't drink... Well, I had 1 beer... And for once I didn't puke my guts out when I got home!!! What have we learned? B (that's me) cannot drink wine, but beer is good LOL. And it's not the smokes, so that's good. I was actually concerned that it was, and since the only time I do smoke is on ladies night (so about once every 1-2 weeks) it is totally possible!

So anyway... was I good last night... No, not entirely good. I ate:
Chicken stir fry with rice (probably around 600 calories, it was really mostly veggies but the sauce and rice add up quick)
16 oz beer (200 cal, I estimate high)
 snyders pretzels, buffalo flavor (probably 300 cals, embarrassing, but delicious!)
Bean dip with tortilla chips (200, I didn't have much at all really)

Well, I am not proud. But I do look at it as my one night of splurge. And I was still down in weight this morning (dehydration maybe?) to 120.4-- wait, no, I"m down because the smoking makes me poop, so I pooped a ton yesterday and now I'm empty! Wow, the "smoking flush" totally works LOL.

I did not get up and exercise this morning, but I can run on the treadmill later. I'll be staying with my mom this weekend, so no posts probably... but I'm going to the ski swap tomorrow to buy new snowboarding pants, because my old ones are way way too big!!! YAY for that!

Oh, and I was awful this morning, as is becoming my Friday habit I stopped and got fast food for breakfast. Had a Burger King breakfast bowl-- and was shocked at how good that stupid thing was. Ugh, but I don't even want to look at the calorie content. Good thing I'm planning to run tonight and to not eat anything else until dinner with DH.

Stay strong lovelies.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Thanks for the comments!

I just realized I have comments!!! Wow, people are reading what I write???

Almost.skinny, S, and Starving Artist-- Thanks for the tips! It does work out to munch on something healthy in front of the kids, then they see Mom eating that stuff and want to eat it anyway! And really, almost.skinny, no reason to worry-- my BMI is still WELL ABOVE anything that is concerning (yeah, I feel pretty darn obese too when I see that number) but thanks for worrying. Weirdly, it's very nice to have someone worry about me, even though I certainly don't deserve anyone to even consider me for a moment.

I just wanted you to know how much it means to have people actually read my crazy ranting, and even more that you care. I don't deserve it, and I never will. Maybe if I can have a single good week I'll feel like I've earned some consideration, but it hasn't happened yet.

Stay strong!

Trying something new...

So I did manage to skip dinner... well, I had 3 slices of ham. The problem was that later I was hungry and had a FREAKING HUGE BOWL OF ICE CREAM!!! Ugh. I am such a loser. This morning the scale showed my stupidity, back up to 121.8. But, I did get up and work out this morning too.

I think I have realized that if I can work out and gain muscle, but still stay the same weight, then when I start trying harder to lose the weight by restricting more, it should come off easier because I have a higher metabolism because I have more muscle, right??? Yeah, that's me convincing myself that it is OK to eat. And that was my thought process this morning, when I ate oatmeal (160 cal) grapes (100 cal, estimate) and a stupid piece of danish at my meeting (probably around 250 cal).

And then I got ahold of myself and realized I was being stupid.

So yesterday I was poking around on other blogs and found one comment somewhere that someone had NME (must not eat, but out of order so people couldn't guess) written on their wrist. So I did it. And now every time I feel the urge to eat the pretzels in my desk, or the lunch I brought and didn't eat, I look down and remember that I'm being stupid. To whoever wrote that, I'm sorry I don't remember your name, THANK YOU!

Stay strong, stronger than me. You are all better than I am, just remember that.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Research on AN

I did some research yesterday, to try to figure out what type of eating disorder I have...

I think I fall into EDNOS.

But I have a new goal.

My goal is to technically fall into the AN category. That means 85% below weight or something, but more importantly, losing my periods. That's my goal right there. I figure I'll probably have to lose about 30 lbs to get there-- at 5'2", if I'm at 90 lbs I will lose my periods, right?

Am I nuts? does anyone else have this kind of a goal? Maybe I am just crazy, but this is the only place I can be honest, even with myself, and that's what I'm going to strive for. No specific weight, just low enough to actually have a true label.

I've been a bad bad girl

Breakfast: oatmeal (160)
Lunch: AUCE buffet at college visit (800)-- Salad, grilled chicken, rice, broccoli, chocolate chip cookie
Dinner: hoping to skip it-- DH is getting home late from work.

Gag me.

On the other hand, I got up at 4:30 this morning to do the 30 day shred, so that's good, right? At least I got my metabolism going before I shoved my face full of food! And I DID skip the ice cream, so that's good right? Actually, I had given in and was going to get some ice cream but thankfully the machine was empty! Small favors, right???

Weight this morning: 121.2 but I'll bet it's up tomorrow. I'm going to try to exercise tonight as well, but DH wants to run tonight and we can't both leave the house at the same time. Ugh. Might have to do some DDR just to get myself moving.

Stay strong, I didn't. :(

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Doing alright

I figure I was around 700 calories yesterday... All after 5pm.

I made it the whole day at work without eating, and then I had pasta with sauce (and 2 meatballs) for dinner. I was just completely exhausted, no idea why, so I didn't end up getting my workout in (BOOO). I ended up back in the kitchen at 8pm and was able to restrict myself to a bowl of chicken noodle soup. I figure it was only about 200 calories, and I'd probably had about 400-500 calories of pasta with the meatballs. Oh, I forgot the garlic bread... that's another 100 calories. DAMNIT! WAY higher than I wanted to go.

So today I've had: 1 salad-- LOTS of lettuce, a couple of tomatoes, a little cheese and some poppy vinaigrette dressing.   I figure I needed the veggies, at least. I'm trying very hard to convince myself I can't eat anything else.

So this morning the scale wasn't too bad, but it wasn't great either. I always guess my weight before I step on. I guessed 123.2, since I'd been such a heffer over the weekend and hadn't weighed since then. Well, I was high. I was only 121.8, which is better than I thought but still pretty darn high if I'm aiming for 115 in about 2 weeks!!!

 Also, I just got asked to chaperone a field trip tomorrow, which means I have to eat in front of other co-workers. AND our co-worker thanksgiving celebration is on Tuesday, so if I don't eat or just eat a little, people will totally know something's up. I think they might be wondering already, since I'm down about 25 lbs from last year at this time. But then again, with kids I can use them as an excuse for why my weight was so high, and tell them that this is just my normal weight even though really I'm about 15 lbs under what I was in college, before any kids!

Oh well, stay strong. I will try to do the same.

Monday, November 15, 2010

I've been terrible

Eating whatever I want, whenever I want. I was only good 1 day all of last week. And since then, I'm scared to get on the scale. My clothes are fitting tight again, and I feel the roll over my hips coming back. Ugh. And I leave for Las Vegas 2 weeks from tomorrow.

So I've started a new regime. I ran on Saturday, and I did my 30 day shred last night. I'm forcing myself to work out once per day, and also to skip breakfast and lunch, for the 2 weeks until I leave. Unfortunately, Thanksgiving is next Thursday so I'll obviously be eating then.

I'm scared to step on the scale. Scared I'll see a number over 125, I haven't been above 125 in months and I couldn't handle it if I were that high again after just 2 weeks of frivolity.

I've also given up any hopes of making it to 115 before Vegas. I don't think it's possible. I'm a failure.

Ugh, I just scratched my ass, and the feeling of fat is disgusting. I have to remind myself yet again that it is MY fault that there's fat there, and I can fix it. I must fix it. I will fix it.

Welcome to a new dawn.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Eh. Par for the course

I wasn't great, but I wasn't awful.

I ate what I had to to keep the facade up, plus a little more, but not much. Unfortunately, the "little more" included a bowl of ice cream (I don't want hubby knowing I'm dieting AT ALL, and that keeps him totally in the dark) and some spinach dip and pita bread.

My weight this morning-- after drinking 1 cup of water to take my pill-- was 122.4. Yuck.

Intake so far today: Coffee, and water.

I have no idea what dinner will be, probably shake and bake chicken, but hubby will be working late so maybe I'll just skip dinner tonight and feed everyone else. Too bad they're getting old enough to notice when I skip meals. Eh, I think I might be able to make it work. If nothing else, it should be easy to keep the total intake below 300 for the day, which is my real goal!

Can't wait to start again tomorrow. I wonder what I'll weigh at the end of the week? I'm also skipping out on the drinking at ladies night with good reason (puking from just 3 glasses of wine, yeah, pretty sure there's an allergy there) and sticking with diet soda. That'll save me those 500-800 calories right there!

Goal this week-- 118 on Friday. Bring it!

Saturday, November 6, 2010

So yesterday wasn't great, but I didn't have anything at all after dinner and that's my hard time. No weight 2day but id guess around 120. Staystrong

Friday, November 5, 2010

Ugh, I can't drink now???

What's the deal? Last night was ladies night. I made sure I ate in preparation, since the last time I ended up tossing my cookies all night after the mass quantity of wine. I also limited myself to 3 glasses (well, it ended up at 3 1/2, but still, not too bad). I was freaking sober when I got home-- I wasn't intoxicated at all. And yet when I lay down, I started to get the spins. When the man came up and got in bed he tried to snuggle, and that just pushed me over the line. I got up and spent the next 30 minutes pooping and puking! WTF???

I so don't get it. Next time I go, I'm drinking SODA! but I am not going to give up my laides night, no way. If I still puke I'll know it's the cigarettes, if I don't I'll call it good.

So anyway, after all that last night my weight was a beautiful 119.0 this morning! LOL, I know it's because I'm totally empty and dehydrated, but it was cool to be reminded of what I'm aiming for.

But then I was nauseous in the "I have to eat right now" kinda nausea, so I got breakfast from McDonalds. eggs, hash browns, biscuit, and sausage. And yeah, I ate it all.

So I had just a salad for lunch. I even passed up the awesome looking carrot cake that was calling my name. Because I'm back with a bang! I WILL be below 115 by November 30 when I go to Las Vegas!

Determination and willpower, that's all I need. I can win!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Back with a bang

I've been awful.


I feel like a cow.

I was 123 again this week. Well, 122.6, close enough.

I am going to Vegas in less than a month, and I swore I'd be below 115. And damn it I will.
Thanks to all of you lovely ladies (yes, I know only 2 followers, but in case anyone else decides to read this) who follow or post your own blogs. You are my thinspiration. You remind me that I CAN do it, that it IS possible, and that I need to get up off my fat ass and stop coming up with excuses.

SO WHAT if I'm already smaller than the people I work with? I can't help it if they're all fat! I'm still wearing a size 6 and I want to be in a size 2. I am NOT where I want to be, NOT where I'd be happy. It's not my fault that they are jealous of me. Somehow they are jealous of my fat state, because even in this fat state I am still smaller than they are.

Again, thank you all for reminding me that I am NOT the people around me. I am better. I am stronger. And I am thinner!