Monday, October 25, 2010

Truly, there are no words

for how gross and embarassed I am. And yet, there was a reason.

So Thursday's escapades and drinking led to vomiting and exhaustion on Friday, but a lovely low weight.

But as Friday went on, I got more and more exhausted. I tried to drink more water to rehydrate ( I know I was super dehydrated) I just couldn't. By Friday night I was freezing (sure sign I had a temp, I was freezing all day too) and exhausted. Then I noticed that my heart was skipping beats. Not infrequently, it was skipping about every third beat. And I could feel it. And it scared me.

So needless to say, Friday I'd eaten whatever I wanted (which realistically wasn't a ton, but was more than 5 bites). And after that little scare Friday night (I had seriously considered going to the hospital, I was that scared) I told myself I should eat. So I did. I ate. and I gained. and I'm disgusted by the fact that I'm back up to 122.4 as of this morning. THE ENTIRE WEEK WAS WASTED! I did the 5 bites for 4 days and lost so much weight, and today I'm back up to nearly what I started at. And then you know what this fatass did? I had a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast! Gawd, what's wrong with me???

I can feel the fat on my thighs and it's gross. I can't wait to get back to myself. I'm skipping lunch today, thankfully. I totally forgot to put dinner in the crock pot this morning, but we have more than enough leftovers to last the next couple of days. Tomorrow I'm back to not eating at work. I need to do that, just to feel good about myself. I want to be back below 120 again! DAMMIT, I worked so hard for that and threw it all away in a weekend!!!

Water. Chugging water. and gum. chewing gum. and limiting portions at dinner. Someone help me remember what I'm doing this for, I feel so disgusting right now.

Friday, October 22, 2010


I did good most of yesterday, but then I  knew I would be hungry after drinking, so I had a bowl of thick squash soup for dinner, and satisfied my sweet tooth afterward with 5 bites of dessert. It was delicious. Then, just before leaving, I was hungry again. So I ate about 2 handfulls of peanuts. Then I went to Ladies night (full of wine and cigarettes) and drank myself stupid. Also ate the popcorn that ladies hubby makes.

Yeah, I totally drank myself stupid. So stupid that I left abruptly to stumble home and poop and puke. It was then that I realized that I hadn't pooped since I started this diet. I was actually thrilled to puke as well, just to be free of the horrible calories in my stomach.

Even worse: I woke up with a serious hangover. Nausea, headache. I popped an asprin, drank a full glass of water, and dragged my ass out of bed at 5:30 (late, I hadn't set my alarm). At least I got a shower and looked alive for work! So anyway, I needed to get the alcohol smell off my breath (toothbrushing and gum doesn't work if there's nothing in your stomach to absorb the smell there) so I bought and ate a whole bagel with cream cheese for breakfast. When my stomach was empty again, I ate a granola bar. then I had a salad with feta and dressing and tomatoes plus a bowl of soup for lunch. Then I just had 2 mini hersheys bars. Ugh.

Happily, my weight was at an all time low of 116.6, but I know it's because I was uber-dehydrated. After a day of eating, it'll be back up tomorrow.

Ugh, hangovers suck.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Day 3 was a success!

Well, sort of lol.

All day I had 1 bite size milky way midnight (the tiny ones, not the "fun size"), 1/2 twizzlers, and then for dinner had 1/2 of a ham and cheese sandwich (so 1/2 of a hamburger bun, 1/2 of a slice of cheese, and 1 slice of ham) plus a little broccoli. YES, it was more than 5 bites for dinner, but really I *could* have eaten it in 5 bites if they were big bites! And since I didn't really eat my 5 bites of lunch, I figure I'm good.

Plus, the scale this morning was down ANOTHER POUND!!! I'm at 118.8!

And I should be extatic, and I was for a minute, then I looked in the mirror and saw the flab on my legs (they have big balls of fat at the top, between my legs, and on the outside, stupid saddle bags) and nearly gagged. I have a long way to go. How on earth I thought I looked OK in high school is beyond me. I suppose it's probably because I was cheerleading, so I spent 2 hours doing cardio every day, so I was in much better shape. I WISH I had the time or energy to do cardio, but I just don't right now.

Either way, the 5 bites is totally working for me, and by the time I get to 101 I don't think it will matter that I have less muscle, because I'll have no fat and I'll look awesome! I may have to re-vamp my Dec. 1 goal from 112 to 110 or even lower if this keeps up! 6 weeks from today, hell, I can lose way more than 6 lbs in 6 weeks!!!

And now I have 2 followers??!! Wow, followers. I don't really know why anyone would want to follow me, but thanks for joining me :) Stay strong.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Day 3 of the 5 bite diet

And the scale (which I swore I wouldn't step on until I was a week in, I know I know) was AWESOME today!!!

Wait for it...

Wait for it...


OMG, I remember being 15 and going to the Dr. and having them weigh me and I was 120, and I flipped out! I was ranting and raving, saying "I AM NOT 120 LBS"... And in all honesty that was fully clothed right after lunch, but still! I'm back down to around what I weighed in High School!!!!!

So needless to say, I'm staying on this diet!

Yesterday's intake:
Coffee (1 cup, I don't allow myself any more than that)
Water (lots)
5 squash seeds, roasted and salted
1 small slice of thin crust pizza (I know it's a little more than 5 bites, but I figured I sorta skipped the lunch 5 bites, so it works out, plus it was still only the volume of a snickers bar because it was thin crust).
1 cup chai tea (not a latte, just the tea, 0 calories)
1 cup peach tea with 1 tsp honey (honey has calories, I know, but it was sooooo good that way).

All I have to say is WOOO HOOO~!!!! I just hope my weight doesn't go back up again like it did before. I had gotten to 121.6 about 2 weeks ago, but then it went back up 2 lbs and stayed there until this week. Ugh. I wonder, really, what I can get down to on this diet!!! Man, that 101 that should be my goal weight is looking more and more attainable, even though I haven't seen it since about middle school.

My biggest problem right now is that most of my clothes don't fit. I grabbed a pair of jeans yesterday when I got home from work and threw them on, and they were my super skinny jeans from the month before I got married, that have been way too tight to wear, and they fit OK. They felt a little tight, but they're kinda supposed to be, right? I can't wait until they're too loose!

I really need to go clothes shopping. I've been reduced to skirts and dresses for a while, because I only have 1-2 pairs of work pants that fit me. I'm wearing a skirt right now, which disgustingly is size 13-- I will admit, it's a little big, and the weight I carry IS in my hips and butt, but still yuck! All of my shirts look too big now too, even sloppy. I JUST bought about 6 long sleeved tee-shirts from Old Navy about 2 weeks ago, size small, and now I wish I'd gotten extra small... grrr. But yeah, size 4 pants are necessary, and pretty soon it'll hopefully be size 2!

Hooray for the 5 bite diet!!! It is my savior!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Day 2 of the 5-bite diet

So it wasn't that bad... probably because I'd been skipping breakfast and lunch for two weeks anyway! I probably did eat a total of about 8 bites yesterday, a volume slightly larger than a snickers bar. I had a cup of tea later in the evening when I was craving something sweet (and making the kids' lunches, tons of food all over the place and man I wanted some) but didn't eat anything. I cooked up some squash and am going to make it  into soup, but I'm not sure how that falls into the 5-bites, right? Oh well... 1 day down.

Everything I had read before said the first three days are the hardest and then you get used to it, but now I've found a forum and most of the people talk about how they're still hungry pretty much all the time. I can handle hungry, as long as I lose weight, right? It's all about control. I just have to remind myself that this is temporary, 1 day at a time, rather than trying to look at it as a full 2 weeks or month or month and a half.

I swore I would not get on the scale for the first week, but I was wrong. I got on the scale as soon as I got home last night, and then again this morning. This morning I was 121.6, so down 2 lbs yesterday. I don't expect to keep that rate, in fact I'll be happy if I lose another 2 lbs during the rest of the week! I'd LOVE LOVE LOVE to be able to finish the week under 120, since I haven't been under 120 since I was about 16!!!

So the website for the 5-bite diet says my ideal weight is 101. My mom would freak, but I'm considering buying the book just to show her that it is healthy to get that low. She keeps telling me that 115 is unreasonable, but I think part of that is just because she can't get down there herself without starving herself so she doesn't want me to. Honestly, I think my mom would love to do this with me, I'm seeing how she's as concerned about weight as I am, and she wants to be just as thin as I do, but she's trying to be a mom and show me that it's unhealthy. But if I have a book telling me it IS healthy, she would probably not only support it, but also do it herself.

I'm getting my new phone on Halloween, so pretty soon I'll be able to post from my phone! I can't wait!!!

Monday, October 18, 2010

5 bite diet-

has a forum!

nuf said!

Day 1 of the 5-bite diet

Starting point: 123.6-- and I have NO idea how I'm that low! I was a total heffer over the weekend. pasta, meatballs, a party for gboy that had tons of sweets and a chocolate fountain, and I wasn't exactly going light! Plus a party last night that had pulled pork bbq sandwiches, potato chips, scalloped potatoes, and a DESSERT CONTEST, so about 30 of the most delicious desserts I've ever seen (plus it's fall, pumpkin time, and I LOVE pumpkin anything)! I even ate McDonalds on Friday for the first time in MONTHS.

I told DH that I was filling up last night and today I was going to start the 5 bite diet. I'd told him about it, being skeptical, but he wasn't actually shocked when I said I was doing it. It's 5 bites, twice per day, and that's it. I told him my goal is 2 weeks, but I didn't know if I'd make it. In reality I know I can if I try (and if others know I'm doing it so they don't try to sabotage me) but I still can't tell my mom I'm doing it because I'm not quite sure what she'd think.

I wore my size 4 skinny jeans on Friday and again on Sunday. Sadly, they fit well on Friday and by Sunday they were super tight. Ugh. So even though my weight went down, I got bigger over the weekend. I threw them in the wash as soon as I got home last night, and I'm not going to touch them until next Sunday. I'm hoping that by then they will fit well again, fresh out of the dryer (jeans are always tighter right after a wash, we all know that). Maybe they'll even be big!

So I"m not weighing myself this week. I'm staying away from the scale until next week Monday (that's 1 week) so see what 1 week on this diet can do for me. Then I'll weigh myself then and do another week. As I said, the goal is 2 weeks, but if it does awesome things I might just stay on it for longer. The whole point is to get your stomach to shrink back down to a healthy normal small size, so that you don't WANT more than 5 bites! Everything I've read says that the first three days are brutal, and I'm sure after a weekend of gluttony they will be, but seriously I'm pumped about the possible results and the fact that DH is not going to make me eat!!!

Bring it on!

Thursday, October 14, 2010


I don't get it. I did so good last week, and this week has been a giant joke!

Monday I did good-- just ate dinner. It wasn't a small dinner, and it was pizza, but I skipped breakfast and lunch, so that's progress right? And I did take the pill.

Tuesday I was awful. I did skip breakfast, but the lunch meeting was rich ravioli with mushroom alfredo sauce, salad with full fat ranch dressing, and THREE chocolate truffles. Plus I ate a large dinner of my taco bake, which includes queso dip and taco meat and black beans. Oh, and 2 bowls of ice cream. Binge city. but I did take the pill.

Wednesday I was trying to be good, but I was thwarted. I meant to skip breakfast, but someone brought in apple crisp for their birthday so I let DS1 have some. Well, he left half of it on the plate so I figured I'd finish it. Not too much. Then someone reminded me that it was "chicken salad" day-- it's actually a chicken pasta with a rich sauce and grapes, plus a roll, and 2 no-bake cookies. I ate the whole thing like the heffer I am. And dinner was leftovers, pizza and chicken buscuit. plus pumpkin pie. and m&m's. no pill. But I DID shred last night, so I got a little exercise.

My weight is back up to 124.0-- it's been there for 2 days now. I hate seeing it that high, but I have to remind myself that I've been hanging out at 127 for months, so I'm still down a little. Now I'm going to try to be good for today and then tomorrow I'm having dinner with my mom, and then another dinner with a friend of mine... I'm wondering if I can play the "I am waiting to eat/I already ate" game and skip it all together! I'd feel worlds better if I could do that. I want to be under 120 before halloween for sure! And then under 115 by the time I go to Vegas on November 30. I can do it!!!

Monday, October 11, 2010

123.6-- and feeling lucky to be there...

This weekend was TRAGIC. I ate dinner Friday, of course, with my hubby and family. Then I got  up to the lake to see my parents and they hadn't eaten, so I munched on french fries. Gross.  I actually had quite a few of them too.

Saturday was fun. I skipped breakfast, had only a small portion of a sandwich for lunch (plus a couple handfuls of gorp, delicious but horrible), and then made a total pig of myself at dinner. Steak, sweet potatoes, corn, garlic bread (3 pieces-- what was I thinking) and even pecan pie for dessert. Oh, wait. There's more. So saturday night we decided to go to a haunted house. Well, at the last minute we ended up going bowling, and there was a hungry howies across the street, and the boys were hungry. So we bought 2 pizzas. smalls, at least... Well, I had 2/3 of a pizza MYSELF. Ugh.

Sunday I was awful as well-- I just couldn't stop eating! I had pancakes for breakfast, more garlic bread, more gorp, more sandwich, and then my mom gives me this HUGE burrito for lunch/dinner, and I finished the whole thing. AND a piece of pecan pie! At least I didn't eat anything else beyond that, but I did have a couple glasses of wine.

Oh, I started taking my diet pills on Saturday, so I was jittery all weekend (and I'm jittery again now). I think those are part of the reason I only gained back 1 pound. Also, we went wakeboarding so I'm super sore, and I know that when you're sore you are holding more water so you weigh more, so maybe I'll be down again once I get all the soreness out of my body! My goal by the end of this week is 120. I figure every week I should be able to go down 3-4 lbs, then back up 2 on the weekend... That would get me to where I want to get to by VEGAS!!!

Friday, October 8, 2010

Day 2 of the new blog

OK, so yesterday...

Well, I did well through the day, nothing but coffee and water. Got home and had dinner with the family-- leftover night. I grabbed the nachos, figuring I could share them away. I did share some of them away, but not as many as I'd hoped. I ate way too much, I figure about 500 calories. Gross gross gross. Then I had a tiny little piece of pumpkin pie, just to keep hubby in the dark. And it worked. Then hubby took two of the boys to the store and left me with the baby. All I wanted to do was purge, but I'm weak. I couldn't. I just couldn't. I had the perfect opportunity, and I still couldn't. WTF.

So last night was girls night. I vowed not to eat anything. Well, a bottle of wine (and a good buzz) later, I ate popcorn. It could have been far worse, it was just popcorn (and it was damn good popcorn). But a LOT of wine-- enough that I was still buzzed when I woke up this morning!

But I was slightly down this morning, probably from being dehydrated.
But this weekend I'm spending with my parents. My mom is dieting, so that will help me out, but I still have to eat 3 meals. I'm actually getting to like this whole "one meal per day" thing I've got going-- it saves me the time and energy of packing a lunch! And I don't go out to eat with co-workers so I'm saving money :)

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Just starting

123.4-- yup, 1234 is my weight today. I was at 121 yesterday, but last week I was at 127, so it's progress.

I'm just starting this journey.