Issues, frustrations, and lack of dedication...

It's so hard to stay motivated when people around you comment on how tiny and cute you are...

But I want to be tinier (is that a word?) and cuter (yeah, I'm not cute, but thanks though-- condescending much?)

So anyway, I had a total binge fest last night. I ate stir fry with rice for dinner (small serving) then 1/2 a ham and cheese sandwich, then a small bit of chicken quesadilla, then a peanut butter cup cookie, then a serving of mint moose trax ice cream with chocolate syrup and peanuts on top. I'm embarassed to say that I'm not done. When I got over to ladies night, I had 12 oz of hot cider (should have done tea) and about 4 servings of Snyder's sourdough pretzels with some of that fake velveeta style easy cheese.

Needless to say, up this morning. 119.2

Then got to work this morning and was genuinely hungry. I decided since tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I'd just eat like a normal person. So I had some vanilla wafers and a piece of banana nut bread for breakfast. Then I had my plate piled high for lunch (small plate, at least) with taco dip and chips, turkey, mashed potatoes, macaroni, rolls, butter, cranberries, all of that stuff. I took it back to my office and began to eat. I ate. and ate. and ate. Then I realized I didn't NEED to eat, and in that one moment of control I threw the rest of the plate (about 1/2 full) in the trash. I could easily have finished it, so that's a small success. Then I immediately got out my kindle-- I just bought Wintergirls yesterday, so I thought I'd start reading. Just the reminder of what I COULD do and what I WILL do was all I needed. Tomorrow will be a challenge, and I'm sure I will eat more than I wish, but that's just one day, I can take care of myself the rest of the time. I am in control. I will get there. I will drop below 100 lbs. I don't have a date in mind, but it will happen.

I hate our country and all the stupid fat people who focus on food ALL THE TIME. I feel like I'm betraying those who died for my freedom.

Stay strong ladies, in these challenging times. Be better than I was, you can do it!