Friday, February 25, 2011

Day 3

So last night was Bunco... basically it's ladies night with dice. I'm thrilled because I turned my $5 into $30, so YAY! On the other hand, I was going to be good, but somebody brought fudge, and I had a couple pieces. But no alcohol, at least, so kept the liquid calories at bay.

So I expected the scale to go up this morning, I was hoping desparately to be below 120 still... I had a pleasant surprise to see 115.6! Honestly, after having lunch yesterday I ate a really tiny serving of dinner which was chicken and salsa with a little cheese and had only about 1/4 of a tortilla (to save myself the extra 120 cals) instead of eating a burrito like I had planned. Overall, including the fudge, I'd guess my calorie count was probably around 1300. Which is slightly below my BMR. But I also think my body is still adjusting to the calorie drop so I'm losing weight quick right now. Oh, and I pooped.

I was thinking the other day how I really miss not pooping! When I was eating too little to poop, I was always concerned. But now I've been pooping like every day or two and really that's just gross! I am sooooo looking forward to getting back down to a point where I don't poop at all anymore... that's kinda a part of my drive. Is that weird?

I'm hoping I can fast for at least a day, since DH is leaving today so he won't be around for dinner, and skipping lunch is easy at work. So the plan is to fast for today and probably tomorrow, and Sunday too if I can make it through. I think a 3-day fast would be great for my body and help clean out my system a little bit from all the CRAP I was eating! Not to mention help me drop an extra pound or two, right???

Help me stay strong ladies! I need a texting buddy, from the US, is anybody up for it???

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Day 2

Day 1 was a success. Total calorie intake was around 400. I didn't get to work out at all (except between the sheets) but I did go to sleep at like 8pm! I love getting extra sleep. Somehow right now I feel like I need tons of sleep, and I think it's because I'm out of shape again. I haven't been exercising at all. I'm looking forward to the weather getting nicer so that I can go for a run on Monday and Friday, when I actually get a lunch break.

Anyway, yesterday the scale (my starting point) was an embarrassing 121.6 lbs. It hasn't been that high since before I started my weight loss journey in October/November! Gross.

Today it was a much more manageable 118.2. That's more OK for me. At least to start, it is. I am working down. My goal is below 110 by April 15, and ultimately below 100 by the time summer vacation starts. Both are totally doable goals.

I'm getting back to the point where I'm embracing the hunger feeling. Yesterday I was so hungry leaving work (I hadn't eaten at all, I used to do that all the time) and I just stepped back and thought "This feeling is hunger. what does it really feel like? is it really pain? interesting" and just thought about what it truly felt like. My mind was categorizing it with pain, but it truly wasn't pain, it was something different. If you actually concentrate on the feeling, you realize that it's not truly pain but something else entirely.

Right now I'm sitting at work and my stomach is growling something awful. I'm going to lie my way out of a work lunch but I need to stop making noises!!! I'm going to go chug some water and hope that works.

I've really missed you girls, thanks for not bailing on me. Stay strong!

ETA: Ate lunch, cuz it was a lunch meeting and I looked weird. I just had a salad and the smallest grilled chicken wrap I could find, with salsa dressing. Then I had a snack size almond joy candy bar. I added in my dinner cals on myfitnesspal already and am going to end the day around 900 calories. Gross. almost double my daily limit, and tonight is Bunko so I won't be able to exercise at all to burn them off. Maybe I'll have to exercise in the morning or something. oh well, DH is gone this weekend so maybe I'll fast for a while, or just live on cereal with water. I could do that!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011


Remember being a kid and asking for a do-over?

That's what I'm asking for.

Starting today, I'm taking a do-over. Back in November I dropped from 121 to 115. Then down as far as 112 in December. Now I'm back up that 10 lbs. Gross.


500 cals per day yields 2.1 lbs per week. I can lose 10 lbs in 5 weeks, before my trip, and be happy again.

Dedication is the name of the game.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

maybe time for a break

I'm always angry at myself, I'm only doing worse. I don't know if it's because DH is gone so much right now, or what. I think I need my depression to come back for me to get back into this right, and I really don't want to invite Mia to the party.

Also I'm embarrassed. Every time I log in here I'm embarrassed. I see you all doing so well, and I am just weak. I need the weather to get better, swimsuit season to get closer, and myself to get fatter quite honestly to kick-start my disgust again and get me started. This time once I start, I don't intend to stop until I'm below 100.

I honestly lost about 12 more pounds. 2 years ago I was happy at 135. Then last summer I was thrilled to be at 128. Now I'm disgusted at 118. Progress. But not enough. I will come back, I promise you all that. But I can't put myself out there when I'm so disgusted with myself all the time. I need some time for me. I need my fitbit. I need a break.

Thanks ladies for always supporting me and being there for me. I wish you all the best of luck in whatever you do. If you unfollow me, I totally understand. If you don't, one day in a couple months you'll see another post pop up from me and you'll know I've had enough. I hope that day is sooner rather than later. Until then, stay strong lovelies.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011


Shebeelu-- do not EVER feel guilty for honesty, or for support, whether "pro" or "con"... If I didn't want honest comments I wouldn't make it public! Please don't ever feel bad for posting something, I'm truly just happy that you care enough to comment at all ;)

Fed Up and Anafly-- I never knew the calorie tracking love until I got one... Amazing!

I stayed at about 900 cals yesterday, which I'm OK with right now. That will still have me losing, but not super fast. I will have some days that are significantly lower than that I'm sure, and some days where my workouts will put me below 500 for net so that's great! I had to laugh, because my app told me today "if you continue this trend for 5 weeks you will weigh 112 lbs" LOL! I had put in a slightly higher start weight because I'm afraid to step on the scale right now plus I just started my period (finally, about 2 weeks late) so it's an estimate. It also told me that I wasn't eating enough and that this amount of calories would put me into starvation mode... Yeah right, 900 cals is NOT starvation! Under 400, sure, but not 900.

So now I just have to get my exercise motivation back. I've been so exhausted lately, and maybe part of it is that I'm not exercising, but it makes me not want to exercise cuz I'm too tired! It's a crappy circle. So tonight it will end. Tonight I'm going to either run or do a TON of DDR. That's the fun way to work out ;)

Anyway, hope the motivation from the app keeps up, I need it! Stay strong lovelies.