First-- thanks Shebeelu for the honest answer. Much appreciated.
Second-- WTF. My willpower comes in spurts. Great this weekend, then yesterday I was good at work, got home and totally binged-- I literally stuck everything I could in my mouth, cookies, chocolate, even the heels of the bread with some honey on them. DH was home, so I couldn't purge after dinner (which was nachos). I tried in the quick time I had, but I couldn't get anything up that fast. I need to build some speed.
Then after dinner I had that "I already blew it" feeling, and I started going at the sweet stuff. Another cookie with frosting, a cupcake, ice cream with chocolate syrup, a small piece of chocolate bar, it was gross. Luckily at that time DH went running, so I WAS able to get rid of it. What did I learn? 1. Chocolate syrup tastes just as good coming back up and 2. Using a toothbrush rather than my fingers is faster, easier, and keep me from getting the telltale scrapes on my knuckles. I think that time I was able to get up all or almost all of the second binge.
But the scale this morning was honest-- 114.8. Gross. Up over a pound from yesterday. Granted, I hadn't pooped in 4 days, so that could be it. So this morning I stopped at the store and got pears and Fiber One cereal. I didn't know the cereal came in two separate baggies, that's awesome! And a whole baggy only has 450 calories in it. So I've got a weird meal plan, but one that will work and keep me totally satisfied. But I can only do it when people aren't around.
Very simple: Daily intake will be less than 600 calories, and I can eat an entire baggy of Fiber 1 cereal PLUS a pear. Seriously, that's plenty of food for a whole day. It'll keep me regular as well. So Friday that's the plan. Today I'm just going to try to be good, me and my cereal!
Stay strong :)
Ha, Ha! The Fiber 1 diet! Sounds good to me. I am hooked on the stuff myself. Even just the 1/2 cup I use can be filling...depending on how ravenous I am. I like it that it feels munchy. Like a snack food only it's not. It will keep your mouth busy if you are eating a whole baggy.
ReplyDeletei've been eating All Bran for the last year and a half to keep me on the pooping train. i recently changed to Fiber One and i like that too. they're both filling but the Fiber One is more like snacking because it's sweeter and crunchy. it's also a bit higher in cals so i stick to the 1/2 serving size no matter how hungry i am. you'll find it fills you up pretty good.
ReplyDeletehaha...toothbrush, that's what i used on the few occasions i gave it a try and it really does work. chocolate syrup...i remember reading someones blog and they gave this list of what you should eat and shouldn't eat if you're going to purge. it was based on what it feels like or tastes like on it's way back out...if i think of it i'll let you know.
you'll get there...you've only got 4 or 5 lbs to your next goal!!!
omg i did that last night too - so desperate for bread that i used the heels! sad things we do to binge, ey?
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Hiya,
ReplyDeleteI wrote a really long post about why I don't think you should invite mia into your life... but I didn't post it because I am seriously, too afraid of the ass-kicking I will get for not being unequivocally supportive. Umm..... so all I am going to say is please, please, please don’t invite mia in. You are so close to your goal and if you invite her in for the rest of our journey she will taint and undermine it all. You will have one more demon to wrestle and she is a tough one.
You are strong enough to find another way. I believe in you.
Mouse
i was disappointed to hear that you binged again. tough love! im sorry
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