Truly, there are no words

for how gross and embarassed I am. And yet, there was a reason.

So Thursday's escapades and drinking led to vomiting and exhaustion on Friday, but a lovely low weight.

But as Friday went on, I got more and more exhausted. I tried to drink more water to rehydrate ( I know I was super dehydrated) I just couldn't. By Friday night I was freezing (sure sign I had a temp, I was freezing all day too) and exhausted. Then I noticed that my heart was skipping beats. Not infrequently, it was skipping about every third beat. And I could feel it. And it scared me.

So needless to say, Friday I'd eaten whatever I wanted (which realistically wasn't a ton, but was more than 5 bites). And after that little scare Friday night (I had seriously considered going to the hospital, I was that scared) I told myself I should eat. So I did. I ate. and I gained. and I'm disgusted by the fact that I'm back up to 122.4 as of this morning. THE ENTIRE WEEK WAS WASTED! I did the 5 bites for 4 days and lost so much weight, and today I'm back up to nearly what I started at. And then you know what this fatass did? I had a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast! Gawd, what's wrong with me???

I can feel the fat on my thighs and it's gross. I can't wait to get back to myself. I'm skipping lunch today, thankfully. I totally forgot to put dinner in the crock pot this morning, but we have more than enough leftovers to last the next couple of days. Tomorrow I'm back to not eating at work. I need to do that, just to feel good about myself. I want to be back below 120 again! DAMMIT, I worked so hard for that and threw it all away in a weekend!!!

Water. Chugging water. and gum. chewing gum. and limiting portions at dinner. Someone help me remember what I'm doing this for, I feel so disgusting right now.