I'm always angry at myself, I'm only doing worse. I don't know if it's because DH is gone so much right now, or what. I think I need my depression to come back for me to get back into this right, and I really don't want to invite Mia to the party.
Also I'm embarrassed. Every time I log in here I'm embarrassed. I see you all doing so well, and I am just weak. I need the weather to get better, swimsuit season to get closer, and myself to get fatter quite honestly to kick-start my disgust again and get me started. This time once I start, I don't intend to stop until I'm below 100.
I honestly lost about 12 more pounds. 2 years ago I was happy at 135. Then last summer I was thrilled to be at 128. Now I'm disgusted at 118. Progress. But not enough. I will come back, I promise you all that. But I can't put myself out there when I'm so disgusted with myself all the time. I need some time for me. I need my fitbit. I need a break.
Thanks ladies for always supporting me and being there for me. I wish you all the best of luck in whatever you do. If you unfollow me, I totally understand. If you don't, one day in a couple months you'll see another post pop up from me and you'll know I've had enough. I hope that day is sooner rather than later. Until then, stay strong lovelies.
well, just in case you peek to see if there are any posts please know that i think you need to do what you think is right for you.
ReplyDeleteif you're not happy, disgusted with the way you look, your hubby is away a lot, you're close to jumping off the edge with mia, and least of all the weather is bothersome...call me crazy but i don't know but i'd sure be depressed!
life is very cyclical try to just go with it but leave mia behind please! don't be so hard on yourself
hugs,
Lu
ps...we'll be here when you get back :)
You're not the only one feeling weak, trust me!
ReplyDeletei was just thinking about you. hope you're doing well.
ReplyDelete