hmmm, rules are the key

I never thought about it... but I'm learning that making myself "rules" is the key. I gave up chocolate and fried foods for lent, that's a rule for me. And now I've made myself a rule that I'm not allowed to eat after the kids are in bed. Somehow just the thought of this rule keeps me from doing it. Wow, who knew?

yesterday was OK, I guess... I didn't eat till dinner. Dinner came and I had 6 croutons (30), 11 goldfish crackers (30), then of course shoveled two of the pancakes I was making for the kids into my mouth. Then I had a salad, lettuce, 2 slices of ham, 2 mushrooms, and salsa for dressing. Total of about 200? And another pancake. Afterward I felt super guilty, so I p'd. It's so funny too, cuz 3 months ago I couldn't do that no matter how badly I wanted to, no matter how much I binged, and now I just do when I feel like it. It's hard when others are around, so I don't do it (it's easy to see in my face, I need to work on that) but right now DH is gone so I can.

Scale this morning: 116.4-- still gross.

I'm going to keep my rules close, they keep me sane and safe.

Stay strong ladies.

following the program

I ate a salad for dinner-- lettuce, mushrooms, salsa, and a few croutons. That's it.

Weight this morning-- an embarassing 117.4

but I'm re-reading Wasted, and that keeps me going.

I need this to be a lifestyle change, not just a quick fix. I need to get back into the rhythm. I remember before, I was scared to eat even a few bites of scrambled egg for breakfast. Where did that go? How did I swing back so far the other way? Ugh, gotta get back to this~!

Why can't I do this?

I am having trouble getting started again. Does that make sense? Even with goals and reasons, I just can't get back into it. I will be good for a couple days, and then it just all disappears.

So I gave up chocolate and fried foods for lent. Lent is a totally acceptable excuse to get some horrid things out of my diet, and it works great when people bring in donuts to work (Oh, I can't eat that, I gave up fried foods for lent). For a while I was running again, too. But right now DH is out of town so I can't.

My work life is falling apart, leading to stress eating. I wish I could just focus the stress to NOT eating instead. I'm working on that.

I started reading Wasted again, hoping to get myself back in that mindset. I was pretty good yesterday, but I ate all 3 meals which is not typical of me when I'm trying to lose weight. But they were small.

Today I'm skipping breakfast and lunch. Maybe I can skip dinner too, since DH is gone. We'll see.

April 9. I have to see one old friend and meet a whole bunch of her friends that day, so I need to be hot. Plus April 15, well, it's a work thing but I really want to be undeniably attractive by then.

I'm scared to step on the scale. I was going to do it today, but I'm seriously way too frightened of what it will say.

My goal is to stop pooping. I miss the days when I only pooped once a week at most. I need to get back to that.

Sorry about the absence, or the rant. I'm losing my mind.

Love you girls, stay strong!