I feel like I need to explain.
First, I'm at the highest weight I've been at in years. Like YEARS! Like since my last child was born and I was working back down.
Now, there are a couple of reasons for this...
1. Stress-- I just moved. again. Work is stressful. I'm working 2 jobs, and the class I'm teaching at night is new and difficult.
2. Age-- OK let's be honest... I'm coming up on that point in my life where my age is catching up to me. I didn't realize how bad it would be, but it's BAD! I feel like even when I'm careful I still gain weight!
3. Smoking-- I quit. I actually quit. In January. Ever since then my weight has been creeping up... and it wasn't super low when I quit anyway. So that's a problem.
4. Acceptance-- I have been telling myself that it's ok... I'd rather be heavy and get to eat... blah blah blah. But now none of my clothes fit. For real. It's not OK anymore.
5. HIM-- Yes, him. He is heavy. He has been gaining weight since we met. Honestly, I think he's not OK with it either, but we both enable each other to eat, and that's bad.
So anyway, I have a couple reasons why it's time...
1. 140. Yes I crossed that line. WTF. I've never been over that line unless it had to do with building a small child, it's just not acceptable.
2. Clothing-- I don't WANT to buy a new, fat wardrobe! Especially since I'm older than HIM, I need to stay looking good!
3. The ring-- I expect to become engaged within the next year. It's important to me that I look good, not for him, but truly for me. I want to look good in engagement pictures. And since we won't be getting married for a couple years, I am going to actually do engagement pictures.
4. The neighborhood-- I'm back in the snooty neighborhood. The friends aren't friends anymore, but I want to make some new ones.
5. Me. I like being skinny. I like having that one thing that I can hold over others, just in my own mind. It's a willpower thing. I like the challenge.
So, HE is working 2nd shift this week. I won't see him again until Saturday. I can get away with not eating, and I'm going to. 5 day water fast.
I started last night at 6pm. It was intentional. I had some water with MIO (0 calorie) at about 8pm.
This morning I had black coffee. and water. It's lunchtime right now, I"m on about 17 hours. I'm hungry, but it's manageable. I know dinner time is going to be hard, but I'm making plans. I have to take my car to the shop after work. I may be tutoring tonight. And I'm coloring my hair. Whenever I need to commit to something, I make a change in my hair. I'm trying to not cut it (remember, the ring) so coloring is the next best thing.
So that's today's plan. I will be successful. I will check in tomorrow (or maybe later tonight) on what it feels like.
First, I'm at the highest weight I've been at in years. Like YEARS! Like since my last child was born and I was working back down.
Now, there are a couple of reasons for this...
1. Stress-- I just moved. again. Work is stressful. I'm working 2 jobs, and the class I'm teaching at night is new and difficult.
2. Age-- OK let's be honest... I'm coming up on that point in my life where my age is catching up to me. I didn't realize how bad it would be, but it's BAD! I feel like even when I'm careful I still gain weight!
3. Smoking-- I quit. I actually quit. In January. Ever since then my weight has been creeping up... and it wasn't super low when I quit anyway. So that's a problem.
4. Acceptance-- I have been telling myself that it's ok... I'd rather be heavy and get to eat... blah blah blah. But now none of my clothes fit. For real. It's not OK anymore.
5. HIM-- Yes, him. He is heavy. He has been gaining weight since we met. Honestly, I think he's not OK with it either, but we both enable each other to eat, and that's bad.
So anyway, I have a couple reasons why it's time...
1. 140. Yes I crossed that line. WTF. I've never been over that line unless it had to do with building a small child, it's just not acceptable.
2. Clothing-- I don't WANT to buy a new, fat wardrobe! Especially since I'm older than HIM, I need to stay looking good!
3. The ring-- I expect to become engaged within the next year. It's important to me that I look good, not for him, but truly for me. I want to look good in engagement pictures. And since we won't be getting married for a couple years, I am going to actually do engagement pictures.
4. The neighborhood-- I'm back in the snooty neighborhood. The friends aren't friends anymore, but I want to make some new ones.
5. Me. I like being skinny. I like having that one thing that I can hold over others, just in my own mind. It's a willpower thing. I like the challenge.
So, HE is working 2nd shift this week. I won't see him again until Saturday. I can get away with not eating, and I'm going to. 5 day water fast.
I started last night at 6pm. It was intentional. I had some water with MIO (0 calorie) at about 8pm.
This morning I had black coffee. and water. It's lunchtime right now, I"m on about 17 hours. I'm hungry, but it's manageable. I know dinner time is going to be hard, but I'm making plans. I have to take my car to the shop after work. I may be tutoring tonight. And I'm coloring my hair. Whenever I need to commit to something, I make a change in my hair. I'm trying to not cut it (remember, the ring) so coloring is the next best thing.
So that's today's plan. I will be successful. I will check in tomorrow (or maybe later tonight) on what it feels like.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Leave me a message ;)