Shredding for the wedding

No, I am not engaged. But I expect that rl is going to propose in the next couple months. Actually, I thought he would have done it by now... Since we were both in j&k wedding in September, and she HANDED me the boquet and he had the garter thrown right to him before the other guys even lined up! Well, its January and he still hasn't. I told him not to around the holidays. Bad juju. Anyway, we decided a couple days ago that we could actually make a vacation work in April. So we are going to the keys. I expect he will do it there.

Anyway, i was planning to slowly lose weight anyway (all time high, between 140 and 145 this morning)... So today i started the cabbage soup diet. I actually like the soup. I made it a couple weeks ago. It's cheap and pretty tasty, but plain. Bland. I add sriracha sauce.

Well, today i can eat the soup and fruit. Should have been easy, except i had a snow day. I am home. Those peanuts look mighty tasty. So does the chicken i just cooked for salads. I guess what i am saying is that i won't follow the diet all week, but i am going to eat less and eat healthy.

Put my info into an app today and laughed when it said i only got 200 calories per day (based on losing 2.5 lbs per week)... I think even the cabbage soup diet is well over that. My bmr is less than 1400, which means to lose 1 lb per week i can really only eat 800 cals... And thats only 1 lb per week#!! I need to get at least to 125 by april. Thats 1.5 to 2 lbs per week. So i can eat 400 cals. Yum.

Oh well, i guess we will see what happens! Come on hot engagement pics!

Day 2--
Yes, it really is day 2!

I kept busy yesterday... like crazy busy. I was at work. Worked through lunch. After work I had to take my car into the shop. I was there until around 6pm, sitting right next to the vending machine. But I didn't eat. I spent the time looking up pics and fasting experiences. Then I went home and had a friend's daughter come over for tutoring. She didn't leave until about 8:30. Then I dyed my hair. Finally crawled into bed around 9:30 or 10...

And couldn't sleep.

I slept like shit.
I kept having weird dreams or just tossing and turning.
I must have gotten up 10 times to pee!
The first time I though it was like 4am... nope... 11:30. WTF.

I got out of bed at 4:45, gave up on sleeping, did my hair, talked to my dog, cleaned the house a bit.

Had coffee this morning.

And I'm not that hungry. I expected to be starving today, but I'm not... At least not yet.

It's been almost 42 hours? Has it been that long? I have to check my ketones... maybe I'm already in ketosis?

Weight was down about 3 lbs, which was more than I expected but I also know it's all water.

The worst part is that I spend time thinking about what I will be... and then I see what I still am... and it's gross. But I move on.

Easier than I thought... I kinda feel like it's not going to stick because it's too easy? Lol I say that now, and it'll probably be awful tomorrow...

5 day water fast-- Day 1

I feel like I need to explain.
First, I'm at the highest weight I've been at in years. Like YEARS! Like since my last child was born and I was working back down.

Now, there are a couple of reasons for this...
1. Stress-- I just moved. again. Work is stressful. I'm working 2 jobs, and the class I'm teaching at night is new and difficult.
2. Age-- OK let's be honest... I'm coming up on that point in my life where my age is catching up to me. I didn't realize how bad it would be, but it's BAD! I feel like even when I'm careful I still gain weight!
3. Smoking-- I quit. I actually quit. In January. Ever since then my weight has been creeping up... and it wasn't super low when I quit anyway. So that's a problem.
4. Acceptance-- I have been telling myself that it's ok... I'd rather be heavy and get to eat... blah blah blah. But now none of my clothes fit. For real. It's not OK anymore.
5. HIM-- Yes, him. He is heavy. He has been gaining weight since we met. Honestly, I think he's not OK with it either, but we both enable each other to eat, and that's bad.

So anyway, I have a couple reasons why it's time...
1. 140. Yes I crossed that line. WTF. I've never been over that line unless it had to do with building a small child, it's just not acceptable.
2. Clothing-- I don't WANT to buy a new, fat wardrobe! Especially since I'm older than HIM, I need to stay looking good!
3. The ring-- I expect to become engaged within the next year. It's important to me that I look good, not for him, but truly for me. I want to look good in engagement pictures. And since we won't be getting married for a couple years, I am going to actually do engagement pictures.
4. The neighborhood-- I'm back in the snooty neighborhood. The friends aren't friends anymore, but I want to make some new ones.
5. Me. I like being skinny. I like having that one thing that I can hold over others, just in my own mind. It's a willpower thing. I like the challenge.

So, HE is working 2nd shift this week. I won't see him again until Saturday. I can get away with not eating, and I'm going to. 5 day water fast.

I started last night at 6pm. It was intentional. I had some water with MIO (0 calorie) at about 8pm.
This morning I had black coffee. and water. It's lunchtime right now, I"m on about 17 hours. I'm hungry, but it's manageable. I know dinner time is going to be hard, but I'm making plans. I have to take my car to the shop after work. I may be tutoring tonight. And I'm coloring my hair. Whenever I need to commit to something, I make a change in my hair. I'm trying to not cut it (remember, the ring) so coloring is the next best thing.

So that's today's plan. I will be successful. I will check in tomorrow (or maybe later tonight) on what it feels like.

Dimensions

46.5 x 22 countertop... 45 x 21 cabinet... I'm always working on something, and right now that something is my house. I'm selling to move to the kid's district. So i have gone 2 days without exercise. Haven't done that in ages. But for a while my focus will be on home improvement instead of me improvement.

Reality

I got my new scale... I am 131. With a bmi of 24.1, just inside of healthy. Gross. Fat percent was way higher than i expected... I cant remember the number tho. Just did a bmr calculator, and i really have a bmr of only 1300. That means i have to eat 800 or less just to lose 1 lb per week. Oh well... Thats reality. Now i know why i only lose weight if i super restrict.

Trying something to keep me accountable

I've been running. I've been working out. But I have not been watching my diet. And it is causing some serious problems. I feel like I'm gaining weight, and fast. I'm not sure why. But there it is.

So I ordered a scale. One that connects to my phone app and tracks not just weight but also body fat and water and bone and muscle. I'm hoping to see some changes, but I know I only will if I keep better control of the diet part.

Thus my plan...
I'm going to take pictures of every thing I eat. Like everything. I can't eat it unless I take a picture.
I know that sounds ridiculous, but i figure I will actually stop  eating some of the junk if I have to take a picture of it. And if I do keep  eating, at least I will have a record of what I actually ate. That includes morning coffee, soda, everything. Anything that passes my lips except for water.

Plus I'm going to continue my couch to 10k running plan. I just finished week 1 today, and for some weird reason it actually hurt. It gets harder this week. I would normally do Monday, Wednesday, Friday... except last week I did Wednesday, Saturday, Sunday... So I have already done 2 days in a row and I know I was dragging today. I need a day off of the running apparently. So anyway, college spring break this week means I'm home by 4:30 most days. I'll do Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday. Then next week I will be back on MWF. If I can keep up with this and only repeat weeks a couple of times I will be ready for my 10k in July. I'm kinda excited.

Anyway, so i'm going to see if I can figure how to post my pics here. Follow along and wish me luck!

Hello Again!

So I'm trying something new.

I have been trying to do things for myself. In fact, I made a huge set of changes at new years. And since it's now February 21, I'd say that any of those changes that is still going is likely a permanent change, right?

I quit smoking.
For real. For me.
I started drinking more water... and because of that I stopped drinking soda. That part was an accident, but it happened. It's good, water is cheaper!

I started exercising.
I want to run.
I want to run a 10k.
I've never been a runner in my life, but I'm trying. I'm not doing great, but it's better than I was.

And I got injured already. Suck. I have gone almost a week without exercise because of my stupid toe. But I realized I needed new running shoes (apparently you're supposed to go up at least 1/2 size? didn't know that)... Ordered them yesterday. They will take a week to come in. Right now my toe is wrapped. First it was an infection. Then where I had it wrapped turned into a blistered rash. Now I'm dealing with the rash, but at least the pain (which was ridiculously bad) is gone.

Anyway, I just downloaded an app on my phone for the couch to 10k. I'm excited to use it. But I probably shouldn't run until I get my new shoes. But I still need to go to the gym today while I can, I can do other exercise. weights. Those are good.

My weight... well, I don't want to talk about it. First I was OK, then I focused on the training more than the diet. Weight went up. Yes, I care... it's awful. I don't know what to do. What to focus on.

But really, I quit smoking! I never thought I could do that.

Victory.